In my case, it’s the other ‘way round. The Dr’s want to hear something, and it’s not my heart. For those of you who know me, I pride myself on a healthy, farty, digestive track. But, alas, it is failing me. While a bit of loose stool is a good start, what we need is some honest-to-god flatulence, and we’ve been waiting for days. So (and I’m not kidding), please fast for some gas. Pray for the sounds of the uncorked symphony -- a bratwurst bugler, a butt trumpeter, a trouser troubadour, a colonic calliope, a gluteal tuba, a toothless kazoo, and a turd whistling for the right of way. Seriously, I’m hoping for a major backfire, a bottom burp, a cheek flapper, and a visit from Grandpa. I want to go insane with the methane, and kill the canary. I’m hoping for a serious tail wind and a minor trouser cough. Ummmm….. HUMMMmmmrrhoids.
happy to hear that you are indeed you. will pray for the bottom and top. The Myers
ReplyDeletei was wondering if you could be more specific...
ReplyDeleteAmy
Geez Louise, Dave! And, you tell everyone that WE are disgusting! Well me and the flock will be doing everything possible this weekend to flood your property with our..a..best wishes..and hopefully send a telepathic signal to your inner bowel center to mimic our actions. Meanwhile, we continue to pray for your return to good health. It's just no fun without you here to aggravate.
ReplyDeleteLOL! It sounds to me as if there's plenty of hot air seeking escape. I gather you're seeking something like "a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind".
ReplyDeleteTom S.
Only you could be so creatively minded about something rather anal - ow - well.... my father would say "excuse me for the night!" at the beginning of an evening - when he was dealing with much gas for other reasons but somewhat similar... so you may get more than you bargained for... this is Yia yia responding via myers... include me in your emails... much love
ReplyDeleteHere is the the wind beneath your cheeks.
ReplyDeleteDave, where can I buy a gluteal tuba??? But all kidding aside, we love you and are praying for you. I'm up here in NOVA (Ft. Belvoir) for a few months while Pam is holding down the fort in Huntsville Alabama. Hope to get down to see you soon friend. In the mean time, may fair winds blow your way . . . Nat Causey
ReplyDeleteDave, I'm planning a fast- Kim
ReplyDeleteDave,
ReplyDeleteI'm not very good at blogging or at poetry. So.... the following is a true example of my love for you. (Christ-like love of course, nothing that would get our marriages off course.)
A fast, at last
for Dave to pass gas.
Not a belch,
but a fart,
with no sound squelched –
now that’s an art.
Tis also a fat order,
but I’ll gladly pray,
God set off the mortar
in Dave’s bowels in short order.
Could you answer today?
Lord teach me to pray
for farts and for defecation
without any hesitation.
Seriously, I will fast and pray.
Dear Dave,
ReplyDeleteJust want you to know that I think of you every time I visit the bathroom (this is new...) in hopes that you are doing the same. I never thought I would be praying for INCREASED flatulence for you. It's just not a thing you expect to pray for. But for you....sure!
I cannot sign my name.